Humble pie, humble beginning | The Costco Slice Review
Great things come from humble beginnings. So, for my first official pizza review, I will begin with perhaps the humblest slice of them all: the Costco pepperoni pizza slice. If you know, you know. These bad boys are nothing to be ashamed of, and are a tier above many other food court pizza options. There is, however, a glaring flaw that anchors the Costco slice well below the ranks of upper-echelon pies. We’ll get to that, but let’s first take a look at its strengths.
Costco pizza has a bonafide crust. I would describe its structural consistency as mildly floppy. It is rather dry and soft, though these are not bad things to my tastebuds. If you prefer a buttery or crispy crust you may disagree, but I imagine some marinara or spicy ranch dipping sauce on the side may change your mind. Costco, make it happen.
The sauce is on par as well. I am not going to sit here and tell you that Costco’s food court pizza has the most delicious sauce in the pizza game, but I think it has earned some praise for punching above its weight class. Costco pizza sauce is downright smooth and I am a sucker for that. It offers balanced flavor (although relatively bland) and an appropriate amount in proportion to the crust and cheese (not too much, not too little).
I want to touch briefly on the pepperoni, but there is really not much to say here. By no means is Costco’s pepperoni gross, nor is it remarkable. It is the kind of pepperoni you might eat and then forget whether you ordered any pepperoni at all. Its greatest strength is the pepperoni quantity and placement, which have always been just right in my experience, despite the sheer number of Costco pizzas they crank out on a daily basis.
This is where my well of praise runs dry and the diatribe begins. The cheese, or whatever yellowish substance is laid upon those poor slices, is an abomination. Its texture is hard to describe because I wish not to imagine it as I type this. Rubbery is the word that comes to mind. The flavor is not that bad, but I still have such strong disdain for this cheese because I just refuse to believe that any dairy product could be formed like this. Do better, Costco.
While this drawback can’t be ignored, I would be remiss not to end on a triumphant high note, and that is the price of a Costco slice. For just $1.99, one of these huge slices can be yours. Want a whole pie? That’ll be just $9.95. The price of Costco pizza seems to resist inflation right alongside their iconic hot dogs, and that is a bargain worth appreciating. While the pizza itself is not of top-tier quality, the value you get for two bucks makes grabbing a slice after shopping, or even on a whim, a no-brainer if you are looking for affordable calories.
In the grand scheme of things, Costco pizza, though tasty, is really not top-notch, but it was never trying to be. This is what I respect most about it. Quick service, cheap prices, and big slices make the Costco pizza experience everything it ever promised to be. What more can we ask of it?
Official Rating: ⅗